Baby Steps to Mom

Who loves ya, baby?

My dear grandmother went to be with Jesus this morning at 7:30. I had been praying for Him to call her home all night after my sister and I went to visit her in hospice care around 10:00 p.m. It was awful; her lungs had filled with fluid because she refused to take her medicine, and she was essentially- slowly, devastatingly- drowning. The sound of her fighting for every breath was heart-wrenching. The nurses said she wasn't in any pain, but... I don't know. I just wanted it to stop- for her sake. But the thought of her being alone in her final hours hurt more. Our brother showed up at around 10:30, and our parents around 11:00. We were all there to say goodbye. There to kiss her on the cheek one last time. We left shortly before midnight, and then we all went home and waited for the news that we both welcomed and feared. I didn't sleep a wink last night.

I don't remember life before Mum Mum. She had lived with my parents and I since I was four years old. I grew up and became the woman I am today because of her influence in my life. When I saw her for the last time last night, I was flooded with happy memories from my childhood that I had long since forgotten about. I shared all of them with her and knew she could hear me because she tried to respond. I made sure that she knew how much I loved her.

When I was three, before she lived with us, I used to get so excited to go see Mum Mum at her apartment and take her out to the fountain to look for goldfish. I remember one Halloween when my parents took me to the drug store for my costume, and we headed straight over to Mum Mum's, knocked on her door and she opened it and said, "Well my goodness, where did you come from?" and I said, "Skagg's." Ha! I remember playing with her ceramic leopard and trying on her shoes and her jewelry and playing on her reclining board and watching Nick at Nite with her. Our favorite show was Mr. Ed. I would sit on the back of the couch behind her and put velcro rollers in her hair. Every night before I went to bed, I would bring in my stuffed dog Henry, and she would sit him on her lap and I would ask him all kinds of silly questions, and she would nod his head yes or no, and I would giggle uncontrollably. I took Henry along on our visit last night, and happily she was not alone in her final moments because he was with her :) Sometimes I would drink water straight out of the gallon jugs she kept in her room and she never minded. I would run around the dining room table and say to her, "Chase me, Mum Mum! Chase me!" She would pick me up from school every day and take me to Smitty's and buy me a custard-filled donut- my favorite. She loved to drink Instant Breakfast, so naturally I did, too. When we went out and about on the weekends with Mom and Dad, Mum Mum and I would sit in the back seat and she would tap her fingers on the seat to the music. I've always done that, and now I know why. She used to feed filet mignon to our family dog, Muffin- my, how she loved that little dog! She is finally with her again :) When I got older, we would go to the mall together. And boy, when I turned into a bratty teenager, did we ever fight. But she never made me feel unloved. She always, always reminded me that she loves me unconditionally. She always told me that we shared a special bond, and we did- right to the very end. When I visited her in hospice over the weekend, even though she was confused and intensely medicated, she greeted me with a huge smile. She mixed up a lot of other people, but she always knew me for some reason. I will never forget her saying to me, "Oh, my Andrea, you lit up the room when you walked in! Seeing you makes me so happy." Whatever floats your boat, Mum Mum :)

I hated to see how gradually and yet suddenly her physical and mental health declined. She just started to fall apart and it was heartbreaking- not only for her but for my parents who, bless their hearts, worked tirelessly to care for her over the past several years. It goes without saying that they sacrificed a lot for her sake and I won't lie and say that there isn't a part of all of us that is relieved that they are free to enjoy their retirement years now- and I am certain that Mum Mum would want that. After 95 years of life, and a very rough past couple of years... it was simply time.

But the difficulties are not what I'm going to choose to remember, even though they're the most fresh in my mind. I am going to remember everything good about her. I will do my best to live my life with no regrets because even after 95 years, she would tell me that life is incredibly short, that time just flew by and she could hardly believe she had made it that far. Even before her death, I had decided to forgive, to do what I could to right wrongs, to make life count, to love unconditionally, to give without expectations, to make the most of my time with the people I love as long as I am blessed to experience it. Honestly, to choose any less than that would be nothing short of pathetic. I praise God for the example He gave me in our dear Mum Mum- one that I will try my best to carry on for my own daughter and her kids someday.

Every night, even into my adult years, she would say to me, "Who loves ya, baby?" She got a kick out of Kojak and his lollipops. And I would kiss her on her hand and we would blow each other kisses and catch them. And I would say back, "Who loves ya, Mum Mum?" Well, there's no question about that. We will all miss you for the rest of our days. But the good news is, we will see you again. The glory, wholeness and love you must be experiencing now no doubt pales in comparison to anything  you experienced on earth. And for that, I will forever be grateful.

It really was OK to let go of this life, wasn't it, Mum Mum? You had a good run at it. And my goodness... look how beautiful you were.

Who loves ya, Mum Mum?

Helen Mae Eiler, 1914-2010

Arise and be comforted
For the Lord, He is good to the weary
And even the young heart can tire and fall
But He knows them all
For the Lord, He will renew their strength
And they will soar on wings as eagles
And they will run and never grow weary
They will walk and not grow faint
For the Lord, He is good
Lift your eyes to the heavens
For the creator is living in you
Come surrender as you are
And know that you'll never stray too far
Let His power within you heal your heart
Lift your eyes to spacious skies
Let Him chart your way to flight

Spread your wings and fly

For the Lord, He is good

~Arise and Be Comforted by Watermark

(If you are a family member or friend, share a favorite memory or your favorite thing about Mum Mum! I would love to hear what you have to say, and I'm sure everyone else would too :)

The color of grace collection.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a HUGE fan of philosophy skin care. I started using their products loyally leading up to my wedding, and haven't been able to avoid the splurge on their skin care since- especially purity and the microdelivery exfoliating wash. I buy the big giant bottles because they are a good deal and they last FOREVER. I also LOVE their fragrance collection! I am sad to say that they discontinued my favorite fragrance, simply called "philosophy the fragrance," which was fresh, clean and citrus-y. YUM. If anyone comes across a bottle of it for sale, let me know! A close runner-up is their original "amazing grace" scent. It reminds me of a bar of French soap- simple, lovely and feminine. This is their signature scent, so fortunately it won't be going anywhere soon.

Anyway. I subscribe to their e-mail list and get specials and debuts of new lines. Today I discovered their "color of grace" collection and it is gorgeous! Finding the right shade of pink can be tough but these shades look like perfection in a palatte. Spring time is the perfect time for pink makeup, but sometimes it can just be obnoxious if the shade isn't a good fit for my skin tone. And since I am on a huge pink kick thanks to my little girl, I cannot wait to get my hands on some! I've been entering their birthday girl giveaway daily hoping that I'll hit the philosophy jackpot :)

 

See? Gorgeous! Hoping this mommy can make the splurge soon and be pretty in pink with her pretty little girl!

Two lasagnas.

I've been known to get the randomest cravings- just ask my husband. He doesn't even try to make decisions about what we eat anymore because he knows that I'll only want what I want when I want it. So one day, he asked me what I wanted... and I was having a craving for vegetable lasagna. Not just any vegetable lasagna, mind you- but something similar to a kind I had once that I distinctly remember tasting sweet. (My cravings are obnoxiously specific.) I scoured the interwebs for the perfect vegetable lasagna and found this first recipe I'm sharing with you. And it was SO GOOD! I added some brown sugar and cinnamon to the sauce and it tasted exactly like what I had been craving. It was super easy to make and fed us for three days straight! You can find the recipe here.

Luscious Vegetarian Lasagna

Yield: Makes 6 to 8 servings

Ingredients:

8 ounces lasagna noodles

1 can (14-1/2 ounces) whole peeled tomatoes, undrained and coarsely chopped

1 can (12 ounces) tomato sauce

1 teaspoon dried oregano leaves

1 teaspoon dried basil

Dash black pepper

2 tablespoons olive oil

1 large onion, chopped

1-1/2 teaspoons minced garlic

2 small zucchini, diced

1 large carrot, diced

1 green bell pepper, diced

8 ounces mushrooms, sliced

2 cups 1% milk-fat cottage cheese

1 cup (4 ounces) shredded mozzarella cheese

1 cup grated Parmesan or Romano cheese

Parsley sprigs for garnish

Preparation:

1. Cook lasagna according to package directions; drain.

2. Place tomatoes with juice, tomato sauce, oregano, basil and black pepper in medium saucepan. Bring to a boil over high heat. Reduce heat to low. Simmer, uncovered, 6 to 10 minutes.

3. Heat oil in large skillet over medium-high heat. Cook and stir onion and garlic until onion is golden. Add zucchini, carrot, bell pepper and mushrooms. Cook and stir 5 to 10 minutes or until vegetables are tender. Stir vegetables into tomato mixture; bring to a boil. (This is where I added the brown sugar and cinnamon. I just eyeballed it, but I would say about 2 tsps of brown sugar and 1/2 tsp of cinnamon.) Reduce heat to low. Simmer, uncovered, 15 minutes.

4. Preheat oven to 350°F. Combine cottage, mozzarella and Parmesan cheeses in large bowl; blend well.

5. Spoon about 1 cup sauce in bottom of 12X8-inch baking pan. Place a layer of noodles over sauce, then half the cheese mixture and half the remaining sauce. Repeat layers of noodles, cheese mixture and sauce.

6. Bake lasagna 30 to 45 minutes or until bubbly. Let stand 10 minutes. Garnish with parsley.

(Other vegetables can be added or substituted for the ones listed above)

Tex Mex Lasagna

The other lasagna recipe that's been a hit around the house is one I make often for guests and every time they have requested the recipe. Plus, it's vegetarian-friendly and VERY budget-friendly! I love me some green onions, so I pile those on the top for garnish- enough to have some in every bite. I found this in The Best of Cooking Light: Superfast Weeknight Dinners.

Ingredients:

3/4 cup bottled salsa (any kind and any temperature you prefer)
1 1/2 teaspoons ground cumin
1 (14.5 oz.) can no salt-added diced tomatoes
1 (8 oz.) can no salt-added tomato sauce
Cooking spray
6 pre-cooked lasagna noodles (I cut them to fit the pan and use the leftover to fill in the extra spaces)
1 cup frozen whole-kernel corn, thawed
1 (15 oz) can black beans, rinsed and drained
2 cups (8 oz.) pre-shredded reduced-fat 4-cheese Mexican blend cheese
1/4 cup chopped green onions

1. Preheat oven to 450 degrees.

2. Combine first 4 ingredients; spread 2/3 cup sauce in bottom of an 8-inch square baking dish coated with cooking spray. Arrange 2 noodles over sauce; top with 1/2 cup corn and half of the beans. Sprinkle with 1/2 cup cheese; top with 2/3 cup sauce. Repeat layers once; top with remaining 2 noodles. Spread remaining sauce over noodles. Sprinkle with remaining 1 cup cheese. Cover and bake at 450 degrees for 30 minutes or until noodles are tender and sauce is bubbly. Let stand 15 minutes. Sprinkle with onions.

Makes 4 servings.

Let me know if you try these and how they turn out! We like them so much around here I usually buy the fixings to make them each time I go to the grocery store. Enjoy!